Nope. This isn't South Africa. Nope. It's not New York. It's not even Chicago. It's Grand Rapids. (Well not this particular picture). I was biking home from Kalamazoo and 36th today, and I ended up having to take some detours. Evidently Construction season in Grand Rapids, means that every street downtown has some sort of construction on it. Which always leads to a dead end.
On my bike home, I biked all the way down Kalamazoo until the construction hit. I then took Alger, and hit up another street called Oakdale. As I was biking down Oakdale, I noticed that a lot of people were out on their porches. I also noticed that out of all the people that I passed, no one was happy. There was an argument going on on every porch. This set the tone for the rest of the ride. As I continued down, I hit Madison, which was mostly large buildings. As I am thinking about what I just biked through, I ended up hitting a side street which lead me to Buchannan. As I headed down Buchannan, I thought to myself "I'm in the clear now." I thought to soon. Buchannan dead-ended into the railroad tracks. This part of town is just very very eery. I kept my head up and continued. I found a side street, which also dead ended, and then ended up on Ionia. I thought I was good now. And I was. I had to walk my bike through some more construction, but at least I knew where I was. I jumped back on my bike, and started to head back home. And not 2 minutes later, saw what you see in that picture. I felt very out of place, but it allowed me to realize that I don't have to travel far and wide to see poverty. I don't have to travel for a missions trip. It's ironic because I cut through a church parking lot on my way to Kelly and Marks, and the exit sign said "Mission field ahead."
Thank you for reading this.

A broken life.

Yesterday was Saturday.

Yep. Saturday. I planned on going to Community dinner just like normal. Except for this time, there wouldn't be the normal people there. All of the interns and regular residents went to Kansas City MO. For what? Well I'm not sure to be exact. All I know that is that it was something to do with the Kansas City boiler room. Probably a pretty awesome opportunity.
When I first arrived, I found out about two of the men that had been very active in their journey toward sobriety, had made a wrong turn. To keep this to a minimum, I'll just say that it was one step in the wrong direction.
With alertnesses heightened, the dinner was anything but normal. I felt a lot of paranoia, a lot of blame, a lot of misunderstanding, and fear. I saw people putting the blame on themselves. I saw people getting angry because of the situation, and I saw people sad.
This has made me think, and I'm sure I've mentioned something before about choices. But this time I want to make a little blurp about choices in the midst of addiction.
Have you ever been addicted to something? I have. To a few things. Addictions can be both "good" and "bad." Some would label being addicted to alcohol "bad." Some would label being addicted to "t.v." not so bad. There are many different forms of addiction, yet addiction is addiction. An addiction is something that no matter how hard you try (with your own strength) you keep turning back to for support, satisfaction, or both.
Without Jesus, addictions can be unconquerable. And without a transformation with/through Jesus, one may never fully conquer that addiction. It's not about being baptized, it's not about showing your good side, or even about how godly you look. It's about that something that you fill that hole with that continues to need to be refilled.

It's Jesus.

Today my heart burned for South Africa. I spoke with someone today who was born there, and it brought back a lot of memories. Not just of the trip that I was on, but of everything that encompassed that trip. I won't go into great detail but I believe God is doing something great in South Africa, and I feel honored that I got to be a tiny tiny part of it. 

I've been getting the question "What are you going to do with your life?" a lot recently. I've been using the excuse that I'm "in transition" but lets be honest. The transition should be over. I feel very financially trapped here. What I want to do, is financially not doable (only with God), which is to go back to South Africa, and live. Teach God's word. As for staying here in the states, I didn't go to school for the right information. I want to do biology. And I'm not sure what field. 

I tell you though I'm not very content living through this day care. 

But on the good side of things, my mom sent me a link for a DNR position. I'm going to try to apply for it. So if you want/would, could you pray that I have the ambition to complete the steps to get it done?

I'm currently reading Beth Moore's Breaking Free. Why? Well because I'm trying to break free. We've all got strongholds right? Well so do I. As I read through this book, I am discovering more and more of who I am, and just for a heads up, you might get a little taste of it here and there. 

Well. thank you for reading my blog. There will be more to come soon.

Oh, and as for an update on the house. It's great. I'm concerned for the winter, but I will let God take care of that.

Moving

I'd like you to meet my roommates.


LaKeri and Amanda! YAY for our new place.