Today my heart burned for South Africa. I spoke with someone today who was born there, and it brought back a lot of memories. Not just of the trip that I was on, but of everything that encompassed that trip. I won't go into great detail but I believe God is doing something great in South Africa, and I feel honored that I got to be a tiny tiny part of it. 

I've been getting the question "What are you going to do with your life?" a lot recently. I've been using the excuse that I'm "in transition" but lets be honest. The transition should be over. I feel very financially trapped here. What I want to do, is financially not doable (only with God), which is to go back to South Africa, and live. Teach God's word. As for staying here in the states, I didn't go to school for the right information. I want to do biology. And I'm not sure what field. 

I tell you though I'm not very content living through this day care. 

But on the good side of things, my mom sent me a link for a DNR position. I'm going to try to apply for it. So if you want/would, could you pray that I have the ambition to complete the steps to get it done?

I'm currently reading Beth Moore's Breaking Free. Why? Well because I'm trying to break free. We've all got strongholds right? Well so do I. As I read through this book, I am discovering more and more of who I am, and just for a heads up, you might get a little taste of it here and there. 

Well. thank you for reading my blog. There will be more to come soon.

Oh, and as for an update on the house. It's great. I'm concerned for the winter, but I will let God take care of that.

Moving

I'd like you to meet my roommates.


LaKeri and Amanda! YAY for our new place.

Hi. My name is Emma, and I have insecurities. I am afraid of being that person who is annoying, of being wrong, of not being right, of losing, of winning, of everything.

I've been learning a lot about trying to be the person that God created me to be. Not the person that the world wants me to be. You see I have a right to say...and what I say matters, you may not like it, but it matters, because I matter....or do I? It's a battle that I think we all face at some point in time, or over and over again, depending on your story.
Basically I want to be part of your community, I just don't feel welcome, and when I don't feel welcome, I feel as though it is because of my insecurities. You see them, and you make them worse.

Sometimes I'm Not So Good At Moving On.

Its getting closer and closer to the time to move on. Amanda, Lakeri, and I have been in this apartment for far too long. Of course we've got some great memories, but we've also got some not so great memories. And I was in my bedroom which is now mostly empty now that Katie has all of her stuff out, and I was wondering what it would be like for the first time in 6 years to have my own room again. To be able to sleep with whatever noise I want, to have it look however I want, and to not have to share. It's almost whole new concept.

On a little different note, I am excited about the new place. We have an apartment above us, but there is currently no one in it (so if you're looking for a cheap (550) place to live than this could be it) and there is a family next to us. And just houses around us. No more apartment complex. We have a yard, a garage, and a huge porch.


We will be having a house warming party sometime in the beginning of June, and all are welcome.

Well here is a healed updated picture of my tattoo. I am still really enjoying it and am glad that I got it.

















On another note we are moving in just under 2 weeks! I am pumped. It will be nice to be out of this apartment complex.


On one last note:
"For faith is only real when there is obedience, never without it, and faith only becomes faith in the act of obedience."
-Bonhoeffer "The cost of discipleship"
My roommate tonight asked me what I thought of this statement, and I've been thinking about it since.
Here's what I think about it: I agree with it.
i agree with it because I believe that faith results from choices. And obedience is weather or not to make a choice to follow whomever you are choosing to follow. My point is that the choices that lead to godliness also lead to faith. how can you have faith without being obedient. Wouldn't that be a contradiction? Well that's what I have to say about it. Great topic of conversation though.

Isaiah 43.

It's true. Thursday afternoon I went to Mos Eisliys and made an appointment....to get a tattoo. Friday night I got in the chair with my leg exposed, and received what could be one of the most unique things about me now, and for no other reason than the meaning of it.

Isaiah 43:4 says this:

"Since you are precious and honored in my sight and because I love you, I would give men in exchange for you, people in exchange for your life."

Literally translated from the Hebrew it says: Because then. you are precious. in the eyes of me. and honored. and I. I love you. (part a).

About 2 months ago at the last 24.7 prayer at the Stockbridge BoilerRoom. I said to God: "I need to know that you love me." Not even an hour later, I was led to this scripture.
Going through the Beth Moore Bible Study: Believing God. We learned a 5 statement pledge.
1. God is who He says He is.
2. God can do what He says He can do.
3. I am who God says I am.
4. I can do all things through Christ.
5. God's word is alive and active in me.

Through finding scripture, and backing these statements up, we learned a lot about our marvelous God! However, the one that I struggled with the most was "I am who God says I am." No matter how many times I read this, how many verses I looked up, how many times we prayed about it. I could not bring myself to believe this.
Discouraged I fell into sin.

After a few weeks of basically stopping my life. I was at one of the lowest points, in sin, and realized. I don't have to live like this. I am loved unconditionally.
Realizing this, I went back to this scripture, and began to do a little research on it. In the passage, the Israelites are moving in a direction that is not what God wanted them to. And I found a Bible that commentated this:
" God created the people of Israel, and they were special to him. God redeemed them and called them by name to be those who belong to him. God protected Israel in times of trouble. We are important to God, too."

I am a child of God, just as those Israelites, and as hard as it may be to accept it in times of self pity for myself, God loves me....he LOVES me.

Getting this tattoo, is for me a reminder to myself: I am who God says I am...I am really. It may be hard at times. But I do not have to life a life of sin. I can live a life as the redeemed!

(Sorry for the blood in the photo)

Mercy

Grace